HazyDaze

I’m back in Melly. I had a great time back in SunnyLand. I still can’t believe that 16 days past by so fast. It was quite relaxing compared to previous trips. The first week was really boring and the heat didn’t help. Second week, my schedule was nearly full with meeting people.

Met with a lot of people who I don’t normally meet. Spent some good times with my friends. Quality time with Daddy and Mummy. Shopped in sections of the departmental stores I normally won’t venture into. All in all, it was great.

I wasn’t the most comfortable in Sunnyland. Although I have cankles, insomnia and chest tightness thru-out the whole trip, I think the worse part was trying to squat in the kopitiam toilet.

We had so much good food and I really enjoyed myself. For the record, I gained nearly 7kg during that 2 weeks. I don’t think I ate extraordinarily a lot, but I guess the baby is fattening himself up. Part of the weight probably is due to my water retention.

The flight back wasn’t as comfortable but at least it is not as bad as I imagine. It’s great that KL stayed up with me and walk about with me on the plane. I couldn’t stop sobbing in the airport after waving to my family and friends. Up till I board, I was still sobbing with passengers staring at me. I miss them so much already and they are my pillar of support. I kept thinking that the next time when I return, it would all be different. At least I get to see Daddy in about 3 months time and I look forward to that.

Now that I am back home in Melly, my feet is still swollen, my face is still puffy and nothing fits me anymore. I am still waiting to deflate but I don’t know if I will or not. What’s scary is that I am tipping the scale to uncharted waters of 70kg. Never been before. Not too pleased with it though. As long as Baby is growing well with the weight then I guess, I have to live with it.

Today marks 100 days to Baby’s due date. *Gasp!

I know this because, the news kept announcing that its 100 days to the 2008 Olympics. It’s so scary! I want to scream.

Anyway, we went around town and bought a few baby stuff including a swing, seat and his first stuff toy.

Its completely baby safe and machine washable. His name is P’nut. He is really very cute. I’ll be sleeping with P’nut every night from now onwards till Baby is born to “cultivate” my smell.

I found this in my old computer. Probably wrote it more than 10 years ago. Hahaa.. so lame

Wonderful Morning

Missing u so much,
I reach out my hand to hold you, touch u,
Be in your embrace once again.

Wonderful Morning with a Wonderful You!

I’m back here in Sunnyland since Thursday. The weather was pretty alright for the first day but its been so hot and humid lately, my feet is so damn swollen that I have no ankles. I don’t know where the calves ends and the ankles begin.

I’m at my 25th week now and I have been eating very well since I came back 3 days ago. Hence, tummy is a little bigger and will probably gain much more weight here. BS, NL and GL reckons I look different - in the face. I agree I am looking more bloated and puffy in the face. But I think it’s the water retention.

Been taking it easy lately with food and shopping. Although, I have already bought quite a bit of baby clothes and products. Baby stuff here is definitely cheaper and we might get more necessities.

Baby has been behaving himself very well although I still don’t sleep as well at night due to unfamiliar environment and frequent trips to the toilet. It’s very strange how I have been sleeping in the same room and same bed for a long time and now I’m so not used to it. Waking up to go toilet has been so frequent, it’s annoying when it seems like I have a full bladder, I only managed to pee a wee bit.

Met one of KL’s friends at Parkway today and I am very surprised he told him with pride that I’m expecting. It’s such a nice feeling.

Went dinner with BS and NL today at Jumbo Seafood. The food is good and with some discount voucher - damn cheap too. I have to say that my new love is ‘Prawns fried with Salted Eggs’. Best!

Wonder what we going to do tomorrow.

I think I found my pregnancy craving. I warn you, it’s quite weird.

Watermelon and Chocolate combo.

I started with watermelon and chocolate ice cream 2 weeks ago. Then I had kit kat and watermelon combo. Today, I’m back to Watermelon and chocolate with chocolate chip ice cream.

I’m so weird.

KL is back with jet lag.

Last night I slept with 2 babies tossing and turning in bed - one beside me, the other inside me.

I didn’t catch much sleep.

KL bought converse shoes for the baby. So cute!

He not only bought one, he bought a bigger size in high cut. Still damn cute!

He also has one. Eww… Father and Son matching shoes.

One more sleep till KL comes home.

It’s been a long and lonely 16 days without KL. I think that is probably the longest he has ever been away. Thank goodness this is the last overseas trip till the baby comes. *fingers cross*

I have develop true admiration for single mothers. I really don’t know how they do it. Hopefully they have a strong family support to help them or else, strong will power. Especially those pregnant women whose husband is away in the war. Ever wonder about those women during World War I & II? When their husbands get posted out?

It’s going to be ANZAC day this Friday here and instead of commemorating those who die/served during the war, I would like to pray for those strong women who was left behind.

Been watching a whole lot of movies lately to keep myself occupied while KL is away. Today, I watched “Across the Universe”

It’s a musical without the cheesiness. I believe it’s all Beatles music. It’s so nice. The music is familiar and the story line blends so smoothly with the music without trying. There is no sudden burst into music sort. It is really quite subtle. The whole show is about 2+ hours.

I’ve also love music from the 70s. I think the Baby loves music too. Since I woke up, I had my itunes really loud and the Baby’s moving a lot. Throughout the movie, he moved whenever there is music. I think he is dancing.

I’m so convinced he is a music lover. He loves especially when there is guitar playing or drums. I think he might be a emo guitarist. I sure hope not a drummer coz I don’t want to imagine him practising his drums.

I just finished watching “August Rush“. It so beautiful.

Might be the hormones but I’m still crying.

It’s honestly such a beautiful movie. I am going to watch it again.

In the last 2 weeks or so, I have been taking the public transport to and from work. Normally, KL usually give me a lift. Although I am visibly pregnant now but you’ll be surprised to know that I have never been offered a seat so far.

Yesterday, on the way home, I stood at the “disabled” seats for a long long while and no one gave up their seat for me. I thought maybe if I was rubbing my belly a little, maybe someone would notice. No one looked up from their book and some people just stared right through you. Okay, maybe I was wearing my trench coat and no one could tell, so I took it off and continued rubbing my belly. Nope, it still didn’t work. At the end, I gave up and move to the back to try my luck elsewhere. When I finally got an empty seat, I was only 3 stops away from home. *sigh…

I’m not usually the kind of person who demands a seat but, I was quite uncomfortable yesterday. My pelvis was aching and my feet was swollen from water retention. I really needed a seat. It was this morning when I made an agreement with myself and the belly that I would fight for my seat. Be kiasu basically. I shouldn’t be ashamed since if no one wants to give up their seat, I have to fight for my own.

This morning was fine except a very large man sat next to me, leaving me all squashed in the corner. But I just came home from work and I had this to report:

When I got up the tram, I dashed to the nearest seat (next to the stairs). Before my butt could reach the seat, I heard a voice behind me, “Thank you for not giving me the seat. I have a very bad foot.” I then turned around and saw a man with grey hair angrily muttering swear words. Of course by then, I had already sat down. But he managed to sit opposite me on an empty seat. He continue to say that I was rude and took his seat. I composed myself and said, “I didn’t push you and I am pregnant.” He went on to say that he have a very bad foot and was still angry.

I again made my stand and said, “You got a seat anyway. I am pregnant and I have to fight for my seat everyday on the tram.” He continued to be abusive and the young gentleman beside him tried reasoning with him, “Look, she is obviously pregnant and you’ve got a seat anyway” Guess what the abusive man said to him? He asked, “Are you pregnant?” HAHAAA…. That was when I burst out laughing and got really puzzled. I guess he lost the plot.

I gave up and ignored him. I took out my mobile and called KL and complaint loudly about the situation. The man left about 5 stops after. When he stood up, he walked with a slight limp. Other than that, there was no clutches or bandage. He was wearing normal work shoes for that matter. Who in the hell would know he has a bad foot. Besides, he was behind me when we got up the tram. I wasn’t going to asked everyone behind me if they are healthy and ask for permission before I sit down.

Oh my gawd. What a night. I still refused to be apologetic if I have to fight for a seat on the public transport everyday. Kiasu-ism is in my blood. In fact, I think angmos are more kiasu than I. At least I am not afraid to show it.

When I get back to SunnyLand, I know I am sure to witness sudden hypnotism - where a person on the public transport sees a pregnant woman and instantly fall into a deep sleep.

2 days ago I had to do my own performance review. Yes, do my own. Basically, you have to be thick-skin and write about the last year and how well you have done. It’s really for the end year performance appraisal (aka pay raise or climbing the corporate ladder).

Well, while writing it, I pretended to ask my boss if this was the one with the appraisal, hinting to him that due to the recent events at work, I am not going to write a short simply one. Immediately, he pulled me aside to talk about it. He explained that although the performance appraisal is the company’s way of increasing pay and level, he has spoken to the big boss about my special circumstances. No, not about being pregnant and going away on maternity. But about my recent poach in a rival company who offered me a higher pay.

So, boss wants me to know that he is trying to up my salary to market value instead of the standard pay raise (sometimes known as the “minimum-percentage-increment-for-not-fucking-up-thank-you-very-much”). It really eased my concern that they might not consider it because about 2 weeks after the normal increment announcement, I’ll be going on maternity leave. Apparently, boss and big boss have both discussed this issue. They fear that I might not return after maternity leave and instead seek elsewhere.

With quite a substantial increment, makes me reconsider being a stay home mum. I love money too much. I love the freedom of my own income. Of coz I love the baby just as much. Now, I have to see if I can make it work and how soon am I going back to work.

Of coz, like before, I won’t count my chicken till it hatches. I would like to see that increment in my bank account. No, confirmation letter is not good enough.

Recently ordered this classic book from amazon - Goodnight Moon. Apparently, it is recommended everywhere I’ve researched.

It’s a really old book. The picture of the author look like a character in “I love Lucy” and also is in black and white. The pages are like those jotterbook material.

The story… err.. there is no story. It’s just a book that says goodnight to everything in the room. It’s seriously damn boring.

The illustration in the book is poor but colourful.

But, I love the book! Really love the book. I have been reading the same book to Baby every night since last week. It’s so simple and easy to read. It’s definitely a book to be read at bedtime.

My appetite is definitely back.

I am eating watermelon and kit-kat at the same time right now.

Before that, I had fried rice for dinner.

I don’t want to gain unnecessary weight! ARGH!

Damn if I do, damn if I don’t.

I am glad I am having a smooth pregnancy so far and pray it will continue.

Hospital
Firstly, I booked myself into the Hospital C because it is really close to home. Exactly 2 trams stop away. When the doctor’s assistant booked the hospital for me, I was 5 weeks pregnant. After doing a maternity ward tour, I realised there was a waiting list and I was the 2nd on the list.

I’m 23weeks now and they haven’t called to tell me if I got a place. In February, I panic and called the hospital to see if I was still on the waiting list, the nurses there said that they were not offering places to those due in August yet, however, my chances look very good. Last month, I called again to check and they again said they were only doing those due in late July. This time, they said, my chances looked very slim.

Being pregnant at 20weeks then made me worry about not booking into any hospital or attending any pre-natal classes. I got really stress as I really didn’t want to give birth on the streets. Of course I was angry with the hospital. It doesn’t make any sense for me to go to another hospital when I can practically walk to Hospital C.

Stressed, I had to quickly booked myself into both Hospital W and Hospital J - both small private hospital. I know, its damn Kiasu but based on the circumstances, I realised angmo more Kiasu than me. After viewing both hospital, I still couldn’t make a decision because my first choice is still Hospital C, simply because it is nearer and it’s a Catholic hospital. I have no one to give me feedback on both. At the end, I chose Hospital J, simply because it is the private wing of a major hopsital. In case anything happens to me or the baby, I get immediate care instead of being ambulanced from the small private hospital. Guess what? Hospital C still haven’t call me back. *sigh…

Work
I’m constantly stressed at work. We have been short staffed since last year and I am doing 2 person’s work. My boss is great and understanding but his boss is a pig. I’ve been told that big boss is stressed coz there are “too many pregnant women” in the office. When we finally found someone for the position, I heard him hinting to my boss “are you sure you want to hire another child-bearing age girl? Can’t you find someone older or maybe a man?” OH MY GAWD! I really want to report him! At the end, the scrounge only allowed us to hire this person in June (new financial year) and only a one year contact. I wonder what is the point when I have to deal with the work till June and then there is little handover time when I go away on maternity leave in July. ARGH!

Maternity Leave
Should I take the whole year off? Initially planned to get back to work after the 4th month. We need the money and although I complain about work, I really enjoy what I am doing. Lately, I have been thinking, “Do I want to miss Baby’s developments?” But often ask myself if we can afford for me to be on leave for so long.

Childcare
If I do eventually go back to work, I worry about childcare. How safe is it? It is expensive. Guess what? After advise from the mothers in the office, I realised I might have problems getting my baby into creche because I didn’t put my name down the moment I know I am pregnant. This whole childcare/creche system scares me and to make it worse, there is a long waiting list. Since I worry about childcare and going back to work, it’s not easy. Not like we can leave the baby with the grandparents.

I read that stress is good for the baby. I only hope I am not overwhelming him with stress.

Baby has been behaving himself lately. I’m happy because it means I don’t have to worry about aches and pains when I am stressed at work.

A new discovery - Baby is having hiccup in my belly. Its called Fetal Hiccups. Based on the research I’ve done, it’s pretty normal. Apparently. hiccups are just a fetal reflex. As hiccups rely on the development of the central nervous system. Some experts think that hiccups in utero is a response to fetal drinking or fetal breathing (learning to breathe), which causes the flow of amniotic fluid in and out of the lungs, stimulating the diaphragm to contract. How I know it’s hiccups and not movement? coz its a little spasm every 2 seconds for a while. I reckon he can’t be THAT active.

Also. this week, his kicks has gotten stronger. I’m sure KL can feel him kicking hard now. Waiting for KL to come back and hope that the baby has no performance anxiety.

My feet have been swollen for a while. Its so bad, I have no ankles and the top of my feet jiggles when I walk. *YIKES! No cure for water retention on the feet. According to books and research, sitting, standing and walking too long will cause it to puff. WTH? Means what? I have to lie on my back with my feet propped up every second of the day? I WISH!

Oh, I have to complain about my breast and nipples. Close the page now if you think it’s too much info.

My nipples are huge! And dark! I’m seriously upset with it. I am determined to get those Japanese pink nipple miracle creams when I am done breast feeding. AHHH!!! I have nigga nipples!!!

Most people would like to have big breast. Me? I am happy with my pre-pregnant size. Now, its enormous, I don’t even want to tell people my cup size. Seriously, anyone envious of my current cup size, please go shoot yourself in the leg. I think you are mad. Size comes with weight too. Its freaking heavy!

And, I am developing linear nigra. Sigh… all for the sake of the baby.

Been having bad time at work lately and I have been seriously thinking of taking a whole year off to be with Baby. Before Baby, we were already one man down and I was doing two person’s work. It has since gotten worse.

I not only have to do 2 person’s work, I also have to be “office manager” and “baby sitter”.

Last Friday, Boss flew off for a meeting in another state and I was second in command. I had to attend meetings on his behalf, handle his clients and keep the kids entertained. That is on top of my usual work. He came back on Monday and I gave him a low-down on the meetings and complaint about a particular meeting I co-chaired with another department. The SM in that department was in the meeting with me and I was getting frustrated because she was talking non-stop and even answered on my behalf the questions that client asked me. So many times I had to be abruptly interrupt her and gave my professional opinion on the matter. I told boss that she didn’t need me anyway since she can answer all questions relating to our work. Of course, it was illegal to give advice because she is not qualified. Guess what? That afternoon, she called my Boss and complaint about me. About how I wasn’t helpful in the meeting and kept very quiet. Luckily, my boss told her off. He told her that that wasn’t what he was told. He also warned her that she shouldn’t be giving such advice relating to our work to client. HAH! Goodness, if I haven’t told my boss about her in the morning, he might be thinking I am only giving excuses. But still, boss agrees she tends to be a chatterbox and know-it-all during meetings.

The whole week at work have been really stressful with the workload. Today, I snapped at boss. It all started in the morning when the kids screwed up the system and was all stressed out. Boss wasn’t around in the morning and I had to deal with it and do damage control while trying to calm the kids down. Then before lunch, boss returned and I told him what had happened and he flipped. He was swearing and jumping around fuming mad even after I told him I had a temporary solution to tie us over until the system is up and running again. I remained calm thru-out. But he made me more stressed. I took an extended lunch break and when I came back… I lost it.

Boss wasn’t helpful when he handled me his work causing clients to be pissed off at me. I asked him for more details only to be more frustrated with him. He continued to hand me more work and I completely lost it. I slam my file shut and he said, “You looked crossed.” And I yelled, “I AM!” Got out of my seat and walked to the photocopy machine. I noticed there was a lot of people looking my direction. I hear my admin lady (sitting beside me) telling boss that I have been very stressed especially today and to “lay off”. While trying to contain my rage, he came to the copy room and tried to make peace. I really don’t want to see his face but didn’t want to cause a commotion. I said, “Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it.” Guess what? He had the cheeks to say that all of us are stressed and blah blah blah… I lost it again and yelled, “ARGH! OKAY! I SAID I’LL DEAL WITH IT.” He walked out and the kids in the room was looking rather concerned and even offered to let me cut the queue. One of the girls asked if I was alright and I smiled.

Walking back to my desk, one of the kids came to offer help. I guess she heard me. But there is little the kids can do for me. In the next half hour or so, Boss kept coming to me and tried to make peace. He really don’t understand that I really don’t want to see his face as it will make my blood boil. I told Co later in the evening about it and she reckons that at home, he has to grovel and beg for forgiveness from his wife. For me, you have to leave me alone to cool off.

I left work early today and went for my prenatal yoga. I am actually more relax at class and realised that I rather spend time with Baby. I have decided that I am going to write a brilliant appraisal for myself and ask for a pay raise in July even though after that I would be going on Maternity Leave. I am going to tell Boss that if the money is not satisfactory, I might consider returning after my maternity leave and even seek my worth elsewhere.

So, as of today, I am looking forward to my maternity leave. Maybe I should be looking forward to my holiday in SunnyLand at the end of the month first. Whatever it is, I am looking forward to be NOT at work. See if he die without me. See if he can do and extra 3 person’s work. GOOD LUCK!

Stop stealing Mummy’s brain. Grow your own.

This is what KL wrote today:

Hi babe,

Did you get much sleep last night?

I slept pretty well last night but had to wake up at 8am so not really enough time. Today was pretty much bang on doing the show stuff at the show floor.

Now I’m back in the house. We’re too tired so ordering some pizza and awaiting for them to arrive.

Tomorrow will be a full day at the show setting up as well but we’re going to take lunch off at TGI Fridays.

Food is cheap here. We had a foot long Subway for $5 which is pretty good. I had the “Pastrami Piled High” which is pretty awesome. And when you get the lot with the salad in the sub (*they call it “the works” here”), they even put in jalapenos which pretty good.

We’ll be moving house tomorrow to the new place at Irish Sea Ave which is closer to the convention centre.

Sorry if this email is a bit fragmented. I’m not in a condition to think very well. I miss you lots and look forward to seeing you when I get back. Please take care of yourself and Baby. Eat nutritious food and don’t stress yourself out too much ok?

Ruff,
K

And I replied as follows:

Hi darling,

I think I had some sleep last night but still woke up to pee.

Darling, I think Baby is responding to you when I put the receiver on my tummy. Usually after you hang up, he will be moving around a lot. And the kicks are getting stronger and I am confident you will feel it when you come back. Its really exciting because if he is really responding to you, it means he recognises your voice. Its pretty cool.

As you asked me to go healthy and eat nutritious food, I want to tell u that I have been eating Mee Sua for the last 2 days. Mee sua with chicken, enoki mushroom, mushroom and caixin. Its usually a big bowl but at about 10+pm, I get hungry again. Hahaa.

Been eating a lot since yesterday because Boss’s birthday is today and he brought cake and we had afternoon tea. I have been eating raisin toast with butter for the last 2 days for breakfast and today, I decided I should have some bacon and eggs mac muffin from maccas. Hahaaa… then in between the day, I had fruits and all.

I just came back from work, sitting at my table thinking about what to eat for dinner. Don’t feel hungry because one of the kids baked Boss a chocolate cake and I had a big slice at 4.45pm. I think I might have that microwave Fishball soup we bought the other day.

Since the daylight saving started/ended, it gets really dark early. I have been very strict with myself with a new rule - Leave the office by 6pm. Been pretty good the last 2 days but today, I was off by 10mins because I wanted to wait for Lily to go home together.

Btw, its amazing how some people really don’t want to give up seat for me. I can be standing at the disabled seats and have people staring at me and no one gives me any seat. Because I treasure my safety, I usually have to be kiasu and rush to the next empty seat. I don’t even feel shy about it anymore.

Been stressed at work and also I’ve bonded with Baby, makes me want to take the whole year off. But I still like the interaction with the corporate world and also the money is good. I’m pretty lost. Babies grow up very quickly and I really don’t want to miss a single significant moment with Baby. Yet, I want to help with the finance and also build up our finances. Decisions decisions decisions!

The books I got from Amazon came today and it’s great. I love it. Will be reading the nursery rhymes to Baby tonight.

Btw, Baby just kicked me hard. Maybe he wants me to tell u that he misses you. And I have decided on X X L. So it shall be.

Miss you lots,
H & Baby

KL is away for work again. This time, its for about 15 days - the longest ever on his business trips.

He sent me an email this morning and I really wanted to archive it, so I am leaving his email here.

I survived pretty well yesterday and today. Yesterday, I went out and met some people. Meals were not alone and I went for mass. Read a book to Baby and told him where KL was. Didn’t sleep very well however as I had to wake up many times in the night having to go pee.

Today was the start of the work week and as usual, busy as always. Missed KL quite a bit but I definitely wasn’t as emotional as his Japan ski trip.

Just made Mee Sua for Dinner and washed all the dishes we’ve collected since Friday. YUCKS! I even make some chicken stock for tomorrow’s dinner. Since KL usually spoils me rotten with cut fruits, I decided to make myself some fruit salad to bring to work tomorrow.

I think I’m doing pretty okay with KL away in his business trip. I don’t think anyone can understand how I fear loneliness. Maybe I am managing better this time because I have the Baby to talk to and share my time with. It’s funny how I’ve suddenly bonded with him in the last couple of week. I really feel truly happy I have another person I can share my life with. I guess I never feel like that about my pregnancy until now.