To go or not to go?
Today, I had the best lunch ever. KL came to meet me for lunch and we bought ‘Yakitori Lunch Box’ (my favourite) and brought it outside of Taka - somewhere between Taka and Wisma. Today’s weather was great. KL brought a thermo-flask from home with hot water and 2 packets of Japanese Green Tea. How great is that?? Yakitori with Japanese Rice and Green Tea. We sat in the Open Air, wasn’t even sunny, even had lots of greenery and wasn’t even crowded - in fact, there was like 2 other women smoking and on their mobile quite a distance away. And half-way thru, it started to drizzle a little. So we packed up everything and went under the shelter. Lots of people were staring - not at us, not even at our food, but at our thermo-flask. Hahaa….we look like the “80s Ribena Advertisement” kids.
Anyway, last night I couldn’t sleep so I had to talk to KL, but he was already getting drowsy. I felt really horrible coz KL is going back to Melbourne on the 18 July. I never had that countdown thingy before coz we always spent at least 2 to 3 months together before parting again. This term break is only 1 month. *sigh…Anyway, so I asked what is going to happen to us while KL was struggling to keep awake in bed. He told me that we’ll get married by the end of this year. I went like “Yah Right! Sure!” After 8 years, one tends to know that whatever he says when he is going to sleep, sleeping or just woke up is not ‘counted’. But I felt great hearing that and soon fell into slumber. During lunch, I “casually” asked if he remember what we talked about before we slept and surprisingly, he actually remembered. Wow!!! Damn amazing, man. He said that he had to submit his Australian PR application by next April becoz of some policy change and that it might affect him and that was the dateline. So he thought getting married by this year end would be easier for me to join him later in Aust. Seriously, I was a bit taken aback. Honestly, KL is the typical kind of man who will avoid all ways when I talk/plan our future. It may seemed like he doesn’t love me and don’t want to be with me, but I know the truth is - he really don’t know and he doesn’t want to make empty promises and keep my hopes high. *Geez, I hope he doesn’t read this blog*
I went back to office thinking over and over about our future in Aust. True, it was I who encouraged and even pushed him to find work in Aust and plan for our future there. But really, the truth is, I never expect him to go ahead and do it. He is not the kind that would actually bother. *sigh. I used to dream about living in another foreign land since I was young. In fact, when I was pre-teen, I visited my uncle in boring-old Perth and lived with him for about 3 months, I started to plan dream about actually living in Aust. But now that it’s seemed like a step closer to my dream, I get afraid. I love my current job. Yes, I’m one of the rare people left on this world that are really lucky to love what they are doing. I can’t just leave my work here in SweatyHot Singapore? I only started working!! My parents? Daddy how? I’m his only child, the apple of his eye, the worm in his stomach…..who is going to take care of Old Daddy? I can’t trust Mum to do the job!?!?!?
Daddy once planned when I was in Sec 3, to join my Uncle in Perth, he too was a quitter but somehow it didn’t work out. He even encourage KL to take up residency in Aust. Hmmm….maybe we can get daddy to move in with us in Aust? *Argh, now we got to find someway to leave mum behind in Singapore. Aiyah, then again, moving away means being alone and being alone means no family living with you except they come for holidays.
See? It ain’t that easy. It’s not about packing your bags and go. It’s about the people, things, sights, smells and memories that you leave behind too. But all is well, I think. Things will work out someway or another. If my great, great great grandfather haven’t dared to conquer the unknown of the foreign land, I wouldn’t be in this tiny island.