One of the limited pictures I took in Sri Lanka.
Rushing reports and trying to clear my stuff at work. Busy… busy… busy! Going Aust to see darling in about a week’s time. Going to be there for about 10 very very short days. Also trying to get away for a couple of days to the country to get some alone time coz he’s living with his aunt and the walls in the house are quite thin. *wink!
Hello, I’m home!
It took me nearly 4hrs to pack because I couldn’t focus. I kept pausing to chat online. hahaa…okay, anyway, just finished….I can’t believe I didn’t over pack. Geez, maybe I did coz it’s only a 4 days work trip. Still have space for my teddy. Hmmm…..
I haven’t pack for my trip yet. Normally I’ll start packing a few weeks before my trip to Melbourne.
Strangely enough, I seemed very excited. I think my brain is confused thinking that I am actually going to Melbourne to see KL tomorrow.
I think I’m going mad.
After lunch, SK suddenly screamed, “blood vessel BURST in your eye!!”. I turned to the nearest mirror and found that she was right. Strange thing was that I didn’t feel it and my eye wasn’t itchy or hurts. Told KL about it when I got back to the office and he did a little net-search and found that it could result from High Blood Pressure. I got worried because the last week or two, I’ve been experiencing chest tightness. Yes, I’m feeling old.
Just got back from Dr Gan’s. My blood pressure is normal and he concluded that I could have stuffy nose and block ears with resulted to intense pressure in the eye. Hence, the blood vessel burst. As for my chest tightness, he simply brush it off that I am getting older and need to learn to relax coz ‘young’ (*sic) people like me tends to get stressed with work.
Dr Gan can’t decided whether I’m Old or Young. Hah!
I can’t believe this, I’m going Sri Lanka for work this coming Saturday. Woah Ho!
At about 3.30pm, Loser (incompetent manager) asked me into his office. I thought it was to discuss about my upcoming business trip to Sri Lanka, but when he closed the door behind him, I knew it wasn’t simple.
Since my last argument with him 2 weeks ago, I decided to play it cool. He was trying to “motivate” me to work even harder than I already am. It said that he will increase my pay to meet the average wage of the office. Well, you see, with my growing capabilites, I know that I deserved to have an increment. In fact, it’s almost ‘a-matter-of-fact’, but due to some hiccups plus I was too shy to ask for a pay revision, I stuck to the same old low paying salary for a long 2 years. Yes, I know I’m stupid. Anyway, Loser said that I deserve more salary than what I’m currently getting (which I agree), however he wants me to show him that I can meet an impossible target (almost double of what my average). With that, he will review my “performance” at the end of the 3 months (january 2005) and then if I can meet the target, I’ll get that pay increment which by the way, I deserved.
What? I actually laughed when he told me that. Then I said, “I’m actually kind of offended with your proposal.” He asked why. I said, ” First of all, you said that I actually deserved the pay increment and then later you are threatening if I don’t meet that impossible target, I don’t get that increment which I deserve? Huh?” He asked why do I feel offended. HUH? Fucking stupid arrogant ignorant bastard! I don’t fucking need handouts. Don’t fucking dangle money in front of me and make me do tricks to get it. Fuck up! Such a fucking Insult!
Well, I not only feel offended, I’m also pretty nauseous too. So fucking disgusted with him! Suffering with a major tension headache, I sat that the back of my Thursday yoga class trying to meditate. I failed badly.
I was so nauseous, I threw up at the drain near my house on the way home. Nearly 6 hours after. There wasn’t much puke as my last meal was breakfast at 10am. Going to have an early night with a plastic bag beside my bed.
P/s: Carrot & Stick approach - to make the donkey moving, dangle a carrot on a stick in front of the donkey and he will keep walking ahead. Any management student will be able to tell you this.
For the last 6 months or so, I have been visualising my move to Australia and FINALLY starting our wonderful lives together. And then, working hard although I had no intention to continue working at my office (although I love my job) because I simply have to start my life with KL. Been dreaming for this day to come. However, the last month or so, plans are at current on still waters. I so desperately want to be with KL and quickly start our lives together. What I’m trying to say is, I’m not sure where the plan is heading. Yes, it’s exciting to not know, but I just can resist feeling helpless and sometimes, devastated to think negatively.
Despite how horrible my job has becoming lately due to the incompetent manager, I always tell myself to bear with it because according to plan, I probably will be leaving my work soon. Today, on the way to work, I realised what if nothing is according to plan? Darn! I have to start thinking long term in this organisation. Damn!
I’m so ready to give up almost everything here to be living happily ever after in Australia with KL.
For the last 2 weeks odd, I feel that KL and me have kind of distanced. We have nearly nothing to say to each other, even though there’s so much happening in my life, but just doesn’t want to talk much to him. I don’t know why. Is this the kind of thing that people have been warning me about? The same one that would eventually lead to a mutual breakup? The lawyers calls this “unreconcilable differences”? It’s really scary. I’m really afraid for me…for us.
What a busy week.
Monday
Horrible day at work. Mid day, I was suffering from tension headache. Met FF and MT for dinner and it was great because we had a great time talking. FF is recovering well and off medication. She told me privately that everyone was telling her how bad that person was for her, but she just couldn’t see it herself. It’s now that she’s out of it, she so can understand what we were trying to tell her. She’s moving on, slowly but surely. I’m really happy for her. Came home after midnight.
Tuesday
Bad bad day at work. Quarrelled with my incompetent manager again. Second time in 2 months. Stupid Fool he is. *sigh. So I went out with GL for brownie at Haagen Daaz. Luckily, I had a good friend to keep me in track. Thanks sweetie. Also came home late.
Wednesday
GL was in town in the day and we met up for some shopping after I finished work. Poor thing, she’s so stressed about her psychotic cousins. *sigh…everyone has a dysfunctional family. So retail therapy helped us coz I was still stressed at work. We had dinner at a quiet resturant tucked away somewhere near Siglap and then I walked back to GL’s place. I stayed for a while and went home before 11pm.
Thursday
I made sandwich to work today. Coz I was guilty about my spluge during the shopping trip the night before. Halfway eating the bread, i notice there was a mouldy spot. Since I had already finished half, i simply peeled the mouldy part and check the rest of the uneaten bread and finished it. That night, I went for my yoga class with the gang. We really had fun. Unfortunately, BS and NL will not be joining us the next level. I again, came home late.
Friday
My bank balance running low. Still I was in good spirits and chaired a meeting since that stupid manager is away. I bought a tub of ice cream and my colleague bought M&Ms, and we had an ice cream party. Another of my colleague bought bread and we wrapped the ice cream in bread. Some crushed biscuits to have the cookies and cream effect. So, we discussed what we wanted to do with that dumb manager coz we wanted to do exactly the same thing. No point everyone do differently to tackle him while we can be united. It’s either we take it easy, do what he tells us and sit back and watch the whole office get destroyed which we helped to built OR, we can keep our integity and maintain the same standards while everyone else in the other branches still have high regards and respect for us. *sigh…it’s settled. We decided to fight the last battle on Monday and see what happens. If we fails…we’ll take it easy and give in to him and watch him dig his own grave while we watch our reputation go down the drain. Anyway, I’ve been taking it easy, doing what I’ve been doing which by the way, are good high standards. I’m not willing to compromise, well, at least not just yet. We’ll see how. Anyway, came home early, first time in the whole week and found KL in a bad shape. Poor thing, he too was stressed. Stressed about looking for a job and worrying about other stuff as well. That night, we had an early night so we can end the day faster.
Today
I was suppose to go DL’s house for her baby’s first month celebration. I was the most excited about this day. Unfortunately, my cramps was so bad, i stayed home hugging my new found friend - my hot water bottle. Nothing much happen except I finally managed to get eggs. After 1 and a half weeks of searching. YEAH!
Anyway, I’m going to try to make at least a dish every weekend to improve on my cooking skills. I want to be able to cook delicious dishes and nutrious soups for KL when we settle on our own. Tomorrow I’ll be making Corn and Carrot with chicken soup & Crab meat fried rice.