HazyDaze

KL is back with jet lag.

Last night I slept with 2 babies tossing and turning in bed - one beside me, the other inside me.

I didn’t catch much sleep.

In the last 2 weeks or so, I have been taking the public transport to and from work. Normally, KL usually give me a lift. Although I am visibly pregnant now but you’ll be surprised to know that I have never been offered a seat so far.

Yesterday, on the way home, I stood at the “disabled” seats for a long long while and no one gave up their seat for me. I thought maybe if I was rubbing my belly a little, maybe someone would notice. No one looked up from their book and some people just stared right through you. Okay, maybe I was wearing my trench coat and no one could tell, so I took it off and continued rubbing my belly. Nope, it still didn’t work. At the end, I gave up and move to the back to try my luck elsewhere. When I finally got an empty seat, I was only 3 stops away from home. *sigh…

I’m not usually the kind of person who demands a seat but, I was quite uncomfortable yesterday. My pelvis was aching and my feet was swollen from water retention. I really needed a seat. It was this morning when I made an agreement with myself and the belly that I would fight for my seat. Be kiasu basically. I shouldn’t be ashamed since if no one wants to give up their seat, I have to fight for my own.

This morning was fine except a very large man sat next to me, leaving me all squashed in the corner. But I just came home from work and I had this to report:

When I got up the tram, I dashed to the nearest seat (next to the stairs). Before my butt could reach the seat, I heard a voice behind me, “Thank you for not giving me the seat. I have a very bad foot.” I then turned around and saw a man with grey hair angrily muttering swear words. Of course by then, I had already sat down. But he managed to sit opposite me on an empty seat. He continue to say that I was rude and took his seat. I composed myself and said, “I didn’t push you and I am pregnant.” He went on to say that he have a very bad foot and was still angry.

I again made my stand and said, “You got a seat anyway. I am pregnant and I have to fight for my seat everyday on the tram.” He continued to be abusive and the young gentleman beside him tried reasoning with him, “Look, she is obviously pregnant and you’ve got a seat anyway” Guess what the abusive man said to him? He asked, “Are you pregnant?” HAHAAA…. That was when I burst out laughing and got really puzzled. I guess he lost the plot.

I gave up and ignored him. I took out my mobile and called KL and complaint loudly about the situation. The man left about 5 stops after. When he stood up, he walked with a slight limp. Other than that, there was no clutches or bandage. He was wearing normal work shoes for that matter. Who in the hell would know he has a bad foot. Besides, he was behind me when we got up the tram. I wasn’t going to asked everyone behind me if they are healthy and ask for permission before I sit down.

Oh my gawd. What a night. I still refused to be apologetic if I have to fight for a seat on the public transport everyday. Kiasu-ism is in my blood. In fact, I think angmos are more kiasu than I. At least I am not afraid to show it.

When I get back to SunnyLand, I know I am sure to witness sudden hypnotism - where a person on the public transport sees a pregnant woman and instantly fall into a deep sleep.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Cutting my toe nails have been a very very uncomfortable and not to mention difficult task.

I’m in my 10th week. Morning sickness is still lurking around. Still puke a bit and gagged a whole lot. Although I feel like crap all the time, I hope it all good for a healthy baby.

In all fairness, women and men are suppose to be equal. However, we are build so differently. I told KL that women are not meant for the workforce. Seriously, all the nausea and tiredness makes it difficult to be working. Imagine those not working in an office environment, they would be feeling and having it worse.

Most days (everyday), I just want to stay home and wake up late and then make myself breakfast and watch some daytime tv. Take a nap and then only to wake up to watch Oprah and then make myself a snack. The only thing is, I would be wide awake when its time for KL to sleep at night. No one to play with me.

Seriously, being relax at home ease the morning sickness. Maybe becoz I was snacking all the time and took naps whenever I need to.

Again, KL thinks all my theories are bullshit. He thinks its my excuse to be a tai tai at home. I wish.

New year’s eve was freaking 42 degrees.

Yesterday was bloody 40 degrees.

Today, in the mid 20s.

Caught a cold bug on new year’s eve. Feeling miserable and sick the whole of yesterday. Being pregnant means no medication is allowed. Not even lozenges. I know I can only treat myself with lots of fluids. But drinking water makes me puke. Ugh! Only way I know how was to make barley water (without the winter melon strips, coz too cooling?). Drank it the whole of yesterday and sleep hell of a lot.

At night, felt slightly better but still had a mild temperature. Had some fried rice and puked some out. Tried sleeping at night but couldn’t coz wasn’t medicated. The heat at home didn’t help.

What a start to the new year. I’m convinced that 2008 will be great. Suffer now, victory later.

Feeling like crap. Morning sickness hit me at the worst. Can’t seemed to shake off puking every night.

Still not eating well coz no appetite.

Baby don’t like fruits after dinner. Sure to puke while showering.

Water taste bad. Drinking water makes me puke too.

Argh!

I think my wisdom tooth is rotten. Seriously.

Its time. No more escape.

ARGH!

Last month, I went Addy for work for a couple of days. As previously mentioned, I only saw the hotel and the airport. So, stop asking me how was Addy.

So this is the picture of my really crappy room. Its supposed to be a 5 star hotel - The Hilton. One word to describe it - *Pui!

The shower. I have seen some HDB flats with nicer shower.

The highlight of the room.

By the way, being asian, whenever I enter a room/house, I always remove my shoes. For this hotel, I paved the floor with spare towels from the door to the bed. I know I can wear my shoes inside but I only brought my work shoes and I have been on my heels the whole damn day already. Stupid hotel don’t even have those disposable slippers. Even China have those!

To make matters worse, my window has no view. It is on the same level as the tennis court. As in, if i open the window, I can actually walk out into the tennis court. Or rather, if I didn’t draw my curtain, people playing tennis would be looking at me.

This entry serves as a reminder to NEVER book myself in this crappy hotel on company’s expense.

My boss asked me today when am I having kids. This is not the first time he’s asked. I really wonder why.

Anyway, his enquires made me more upset day by day that I realised I might not be pregnant with a healthy child soon.

Another thing to add to my long list of ‘Things I regret not doing before I die’.

My psoriasis is getting worse. I went to the doctor’s and was given creams and oilments. The whole of my back is infected and I have to go shinning again.

Apparently, its winter and most psoriasis sufferers have it worse this time. There is very little sunlight, the air is dry and probably too hot long showers contribute to it.

ARGH! I hate psoriasis!

I’ve been having nightmares about K’s parents coming. So much so that I’m tired at work due to lack of rest.

Today we had dinner with them. I’m pretty sian about it.

Uneventful.

Aunty Stella gave angbao - $100. His mum gave $50 + a whole lot of excuses.

The last 2 weeks has been a roller coaster ride. KL returned with tales from Vegas, while I had my own tears about his absence. Soon after, a friend came to stay with us while he looked for accommodation. I never got to spend alone time with KL since he returned.

Finally, last Friday, our friend moved out but then we were hit with news that KL’s parents coming for 5 freaking weeks. We had a major meltdown on Monday complete with tears, screams, shouts, broken remote control and even promises to be kept.

I was mainly mad that it was bad time for them to come because KL is having pressures at work and possibly a major re-adjustment with management and likely a part to play. I was still coping with stressed at work having to do everything since we are one man down. How bad timing is that?

Plus, how downright despicable to take advantage of Aunty Stella’s generosity by getting her to pay for her tickets. Isn’t it also shameful to lie that you have no money (WHAT ABOUT THE $20K??) and using sympathy to scam tickets? WTF! ARGH!

Lastly, the fact that we already had plans to spend KL’s 30th in sunny Sydney. Plus, our Wedding Anniversary and my so very important birthday. I don’t want to spend it with them. I don’t like them. They are horrible people.

I want my Daddy. *wawa wah wah…

Starting from my suspicion when Aunty Stella said she’s got a surprise for KL’s birthday. I knew something is up. ARGH. Told KL and he said that I “mind-fucked” him into believing. Well, let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, if I haven’t insisted that he go find out, we would still be in the dark. Called it woman’s intuition or instinct. Whatever, it is - I’m too clever for these nonsense. Btw, what kind of sick horrible surprise is that? A surprise is getting a new Porsche with a big bow in the front. Geez. Some people have some weird twisted idea of a birthday surprise.

Anyway, after the melt-down on Monday, I think our relationship is stronger now. Although KL has made it clear that he cannot deal with his mother no matter what. But I still feel like the evil bitch who doesn’t allow my husband’s mother to come see her son. There are only a few people who truly understand how that one person can drive people insane, ruining people’s lives in the process. She is one such selfish parent who has totally no regard of her child’s happiness whatsoever. Anyway, enough of all these unpleasantness. We have decided to ignore them while they are here because KL has already told them that we are busy as hell and it is really not a perfect time. KL has decided to stand on my side if I had any sort of abuse from them. Gosh, after nearly 12 years, he has finally come to his senses.

We’ll see how from now on.

Parents are here for a week.

They are already driving me insane.

Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

I don’t understand whats wrong with people. Suddenly when they are married, they refer to their other halves as, “Hubby” or “Wifey”. Seriously people, we know who you are referring to.

All the years of the person’s name, suddenly with a signing of some official papers - they changed their names. And I’m not even talking about changing surname or anything.

Remind me of those olden times, where once the woman is married, first thing she do is cut and perm her hair to trying to look older.

What the hell.

KL says I’m too immature to have babies.

I think, his fucking ass parents are immature. THAT would be a good gauge!

I haven’t been writing much because I have been moody/ovulating/pms-ing and maybe sometimes a little bi-polar(bear). See? Mad!

I’m all down and pessimistic with my life. Always thought married already with dream guy will lead perfect life. Nah. Rubbish. My whole freaking life always filled with the money problems, rather, the lack of it.

Sorry folks. The rule is No Money, No Home, No Baby! In that order.

I told BS yesterday that my ovaries want to wring his kuku.

I had it when my husband, the Mac guru and stounch supporter, keep dissing me when every my PC fails. I have no choice if he don’t get me a Mac lor. Even though, he claims, “You’ll be more comfortable with PC, besides, everything nowadays is also PC.” If you don’t let me use your precious Mac, I’ll never learn right? If I don’t have a fucking Mac, I’m obviously with a PC right? Stop saying I will not be used to using a Mac! If GL (no offence) knows how to work it, no reason I can’t. Fucking irritating.

Stop fucking giving me snide remarks whenever I have PC problems. Whenever I have some sort of PC problems, I’m most likely pissed off (like most human being), instead of giving me solutions, KL will just sit there snigger and start with his PC jokes.

People question me - Why are you using PC when your husband is a bloody Mac guru?

Babe, stop the dissing and snide remark. Unless I have a fucking better machine, I boh pian. Are you ashame of running a PC at home? Try doing your Tax return on your precious Mac.

Fuck.

I had 1 Krispy Kreme just after lunch, then lots of M&Ms, lollies and more chocolates.

I have a headache now. UGH!

Must learn to say “No, thanks.”

Whole life living in envy. While I try to s-l-o-w-l-y save money to buy what I want, while others beat me to it. Fuck! Whole fucking life like that.

Example 1:

The Tag Heuer Alter Ego watch that I have been drooling since forever. Although I joke that I much prefer my “disposable” $30 Casio watch from Mustafa, I have been wanting a decent watch for a while. *sigh.

Example 2:

Tiffany’s my friend. Wanted the diamond one but thought might never afford it so told myself to save for the non-diamond one. Saw it on a friend lately. *sigh.

Example 3:

Been looking for that perfect wallet and found it - found that it was too expensive and branded (LV). And, Oops! - Saw a friend had it. *sigh.

What to do? NOTHING! Resign to fate lor.

Lately, I have been angry, moody, frustrated, envious, jealous, miserable, lonely and sometimes destructive too. I could bite anyone’s head off.

I don’t think I should write anything or else I might regret it or worse - hurt someone I love.