HazyDaze

I hate posting about how much I miss KL but I really can’t help thinking about him.

Last night, I was feeling my lowest when GL, BS and NL came online at the same time. It’s like God knew the medicine for me to recover. While BS irritated me with his nonsense, GL distracted me with her psycho cousin and NL made me laugh with her rubbish about the psycho cousin. I stayed online with them till 1+am. Wish I could stay longer.

I woke up this morning feeling slightly better.

My friends. They are the best. Best Friends Forever! Haha…

Today is the 4th day since KL left for Vegas. I’m not managing well. Feeling sickly, depressed and lonely.

It all started on Wednesday night during Pilates. Knowing that KL is flying the next day, I didn’t concentrate during class and nearly fell off my reformer machine. That night I didn’t sleep well.

Waking up on Thursday morning feeling all crappy. Contemplated if I should go to work or get a sickie, but since I was awake to see KL off, I might as well go to work. I regretted that decision. Before noon, I had bad cramps and was under high stress to finish work. To make matters worse, I didn’t have breakfast that day except a Black Tea and had my lunch at 3pm. That day, I didn’t go for Yoga. I came home, made some porridge and slept at 1.30am waiting for KL to call.

Friday morning I woke up with a puffy eyes and horrible dark eye rings. Psoriasis was equally bad that day. I was hideous. Had a bad headache that the painkillers didn’t work. Couldn’t concentrate during work and kept doing nonsensical stuff like googling Vegas and looking at Vegas time. I went Pilates that night with a headache but luckily didn’t fall off the machine. Co and I shopped a little and I drove myself home. I sent the rest of Friday night watching a new Korean Drama with a headache. That night, I slept at 3am waiting for KL’s call.

Woke up on Saturday with a massive headache but still went Chaddy with Co. My headache was so bad, I didn’t eat much for lunch and even the potent painkiller didn’t work. But I had a blast shopping. Co kept me company the whole day even though I was thinking of KL the whole time. After sending Co home, I had my first booze bust. Then I had my first parellel parking alone. I watched about 6 disc of the korean drama and cried myself to sleep at 5.30am.

This morning, KL called and I cried myself silly. I think I’m not managing well. Never thought it would be that bad. It really feels like when he went army, and I didnt get to see him for 2 weeks with only one phone call a day.

I’m feeling really demotivated and depressed. I miss KL very much and I really wish he would come home soon. I really hate the feeling of missing him. I thought I should be used to it. Strangely, the last 4 days, it suddenly stir up all those sad sad feelings. Why am I being torture all the time? Why can’t we be together forever?

KL has gone to Vegas for work this morning. I miss him so badly.

Weeks ago, I was planning all the things I’m going to do while he is gone.

Sitting at my computer now, all I want to do is continue sitting here waiting. Not sure wait for what but it does feel like it’s been a long day and I’m just waiting for him to come back, eat dinner, shower and then sleep.

I miss you babe. Come home soon. Next time you have to travel for work, I’m packing my bags and coming along.

In the last week, we have been emailing NL, BS and GL with plans about going to Bangkok together. We were trying to coincide with our trip back to SunnyLand.

NT and BS is going Bangkok next week so they were not too excited about another trip there so soon. We thought about Hong Kong, but KL and I went there just last year, even though it was just one day. The thing is, we haven’t been to Bangkok for nearly 10 years. GL haven’t been to either so she’s okay with it.

I was just thinking that although it will be cheaper to go Bangkok, the clothes there probably don’t fit me. I’m likely to be XXL there. *sigh…

By the way, I feel really bad not telling dad about this trip because I know he will gatecrash our trip. Especially when he knows everyone so well.
Looking at this Hairy Crabs picture I took last year in Hong Kong makes me reconsider going HK again. Well, of coz having H&M open there recently also. But I think it’s best to do the BKK trip. It would be easier for the pockets at least.

I spent the whole of the weekend staring at my pimple on my chin. I get one of these gigantic acne-like pimple once every couple of years.

Pondered the whole of Saturday thinking if I should prick it and squeeze it.

We went to the Dentist today and was told that I had ONE filling to do. While KL was scared of going to the dentist, he had a grand total of 5 fillings to fill. Heheee….

So we are scheduled for another day to do. To add to KL’s horror, he had to have a look at all his wisdom tooth, including the one hidden. Craps, although I had right side wisdom removed, he wants to extract my lefties.

Well… I think I fair better than KL. Hehee…

Just got back to yoga again this week. Because I have been rather stressed since my parents came and then busy at work, my “Tree” was swaying like a real one in the typhoon.

I need balance.

Just finished clearing the house and extended our table from the usual 6 sitter to a 8. Somehow a total 12 people will be coming for dinner.

Something’s wrong with me. Obviously! I haven’t been able to remember KL’s mobile number for nearly the whole week. Everytime I try calling him from my desk, I end up dialing my own mobile number.

The number is not even new. I have been punching the same ol’ number for the last 5 years!

I still can’t remember today. It’s been 5 days. And I’m not going to check my mobile or ask and see how long it will take.

At this age, I suffer very bad PMS. It never was that bad until recently lately. I’m not even talking about craving for chocolate or even getting moody.

When I am ovulating, I want to kill people on minute, the other minute, I feel very suicidal. Yes, it does sounds extreme, but I know how it feels, so I am sure its bad.

My usual PMS moodiness, I can usually control with chocolate, yelling or even retail therapy. The last few days, I’ve thought about quitting my job and drown myself in self pity at home. Yesterday, I thought of jumping into the yarra river. Today, I was crying at work uncontrollably (non-provoked). I think it’s bad. Last time I felt so horrible, I failed my exams and felt there is no redemption.

People around me, including KL and Co, probably don’t know about how I feel the last few days. I made it a point to hide it well. I miss my support unit. I call Dad everyday since last week - even if it was to hear him yelling at his storeboys on the fone. I called BS yesterday at work, but I didn’t tell him much - its nice just to hear him talk rubbish. I miss his nonsense.

The past days events made my “condition” worse. I really don’t know how to describe it because I never felt like that before.

Today, I heard Flaming Lips’ - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots on KL’s iPod. I love it. (try youtube for a sample)

Ridiculous song.
Impossible lyrics.
Catchy tune
Romantic melody.
Made me bawl so hard at work I went to the toilet to cry even more. Came out with Clare asking if I have seen a doctor about my sore-eyes (I wore glasses to work)

I’ll talk to the doctor tomorrow since I’ll be seeing her. Maybe she’ll recommend me something like those menopausal women take to stop hormones production. I know I might grow a moustache. The usual me would be sour and say, “Menopause now also no harm, not having any children anyway.” But strangely, my heart tells me, “God has a plan for everyone. Maybe mine was to be one of those loving couples that grow old together without kids. Maybe I was meant to love all children instead of my own.”

Okay now, let me go kitchen and cry now.

I’m sick. Hope I recover in time for Big Day Out on Sunday.

Btw, Mandy ran away.

Yesterday the whole of Melly had a bad power failure due to the extreme heat. The bush fire burnt some major power lines and the whole of Melly was in a chaotic situation - people stuck in lifts, trains, trams, buildings, etc.

It was reported that it was about 48 degrees at the Australian Open yesterday.

It was indeed very hot. So hot that I refused to step out of the office during lunch. We had no problems going home but there was no electricity at home. However, we managed to cook dinner. Nearly everything in the fridge in fear of it going bad. We were smart enough to even steam rice from a wok instead of a rice cooker.

The air was so still, candles in the house didn’t even flicker and look very odd. There is no way we could have stayed at home without any fan to cool us, so we went to the movies instead.

I love it. We watched a romantic show (Holiday) and KL didn’t even complaint one bit (maybe its Jack Black). We shared a slushy and a choc top. It really felt like a date.

We came home past our usual bed time but I was really comforted that everything was back to normal.

I dread going to work today. Firstly, because I’m swamped with work. Secondly, I think I’m probably PMS-ing too. Lastly, I’ve recently “lost” 3 friends at work.

Tass quit on Wednesday to join our competitor in Jan. She is probably somewhere in BKK now enjoying her time with her family and doing loads of shopping. I lost my lunch buddy and source of office gossips.

SHE left to go to our office in Perth. This is really significant for our department and dramatic for me. I lost my friend, confidant and mentor - all rolled in one motherly package. *sigh…

Yesterday, I cried 3 times. Once when SHE was giving her farewell speech in the office. Second time, farewell lunch and then the third time, when she was really leaving and we refused to release ourselves when we were hugging. *sob! Thinking about it makes me emotional.

Co is leaving tomorrow to go back to SunnyLand for a month of Dec. She’s excited about it because she haven’t seen her family and dog for over 10months. I’m happy for her but I’ll be lonely with absolutely no buddy at work.

So I guess I only have my boring husband to play with and back to our lonely, mundane and uneventful life.

I’m quite upset that my dad’s present has been lost in the mail. We bought a electronic sudoku game on flight on board the plane, on our way back to melly. We sent it on the 8 Nov and until today, he hasn’t received it.

Dad is convinced that the mail man took it because I had to declare it as “Electronic Game”. I don’t know what to think about it.

I called us the post office here to see if there is anything I can do on my end, but since its not registered, there is nothing they can do.

I’m a little bit sadden with the news that it is confirmed that Daddy can’t make it to Melly to visit us next week. I was seriously hoping they could. Damn the airline for being over-booked.

Well, at least they are planning to go Sibu (i think) for holiday.

I’m now thinking maybe I should return to SunnyLand for Chinese New Year. But, it would be damn LUGI!!!

I’m heading back to SunnyLand for a taste of the haze (hey, it rhymes) tomorrow and I’m not sure if I’m excited or not. Maybe its because I usually get such an overwelming welcome and now a few people can’t make it for airport or supper. Its disappointing, but understandable. Everyone have moved on and have their own life to lead.

I think I’m ovulating these few days coz KL thinks I’m getting frisky. Reading other people’s blog hasn’t really helped too. Not that the blogs I’ve been reading are getting more action pact but everyone is trying to get pregnant, are already pregnant or recently gave birth. Some even have some toddlers and having the time of their life.

I’m getting maternal. Maybe its meant to be at this age. Strangely, 10 years ago, I never wanted kids but now I’m thinking about it. KL has absolutely no interest in them simply because he thinks they are very expensive. It used to be that he didn’t want kids because he thinks that the world is degenerating and can’t stand the thought of our kids growing up in this world were are living in.

Everytime I talk about having kids, he always tell me that we have no money. I don’t know. We want too many things for ourselves iMacs, new camera, Gucci wallet, Chanel Sunnies, gorgeous house, and etc. I don’t think we’ll ever have enough money for kids. While we wait for some sort of a windfall, my ovaries might decide to retire and we’ll probably regret that we missed the boat.

BS called me today to chat a little and tells me that they have been trying to get pregnant but nothing yet. I guess that when once you decide that it is time, it may not come on demand. I hope NL gets pregnant and at least I have someone close to me that has a kid that I can play with.

I don’t know.

BS just returned from his very long business trip and he is taken time off, booked himself in a hotel with NL to “relax”. I’m sure they are trying to make babies. So exciting!

I never have a close friend or family pregnant or with babies. Since I can’t be a mother, I want to be an Aunty.

Ooh… BS’s child will be my god-grandchild. YIKES!!

Bought this “H” clip for myself and got GL a “G” one. Was so excited about it and sent it to her almost immediately about 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately, I was told that it was misplaced.

*sigh…

Hope it resurface soon and GL would be more careful.

Tuesday was our date night. Co asked me why must date night since there is only the 2 of us. I had to explain that on our wedding anniversary, KL asked me how have the one year been. I said, “Like that lor. No difference.” Then we realised that maybe being together for over 10 years kind of killed the “newlywed/honeymoon stage”. In fact, we haven’t been to our Honeymoon yet - unless you count going back to Sunnyland.

We discussed that we should spend more couple time together. I find that rather amusing because there is honestly only the 2 of us in the household and all other family members are in Sunnyland. Anyway, KL decided that we should have date nights regularly so that we can have a little more sparks in our love life.

Because I used to joke that on our first movie date (10 years ago), KL made me pay for my own movie tickets, so I told Co that I probably have to withdraw some money just in case, KL wanted to go Dutch again. Hehee… joke aside. The Date went alright. We went to Fridays for dinner followed by a moive - Pirates of the Caribbeans. Yes, you read it right. Of all movies right? The movie was long and draggy. By the time we got home, we were tired and wanted to shower and go to sleep. Well, not exactly the perfect date night but I know KL tried.

I don’t know how long this date night novelty would last but I do hope we get to do it more often.

p/s: Nope, he paid for everything except my choc-top.

I’m exactly 1 week away from my exams and I’m high strung, sleep deprived, had numerous anxiety attacks, undernurish and so on.

GL and KL says that I’ve got phobia for exams. I agree with them. Since, KL has gone to the mountains to snowboard, I needed someone else to calm me down. Who else to call than the one who was there for all my academic exams - Daddy.

It was comforting to talk to him and he was reassuring. I know KL tries hard in that area but I guess, Daddys are still comforting at the end of the day. He says I’ve got phobia of failing exams - he is absolutely correct.

After one hour on the fone with him, I realised how much I misses him. Strangely, he was the reason behind my phobia.