HazyDaze

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Cutting my toe nails have been a very very uncomfortable and not to mention difficult task.

In the last 3 hours, I suddenly have a new complaint. My belly button hurts!

Apparently, the belly button pain is caused by the pressure of the expanding uterus on the belly button. And it usually happens after the 20th week.

Oh my, it hurts so bad.

I have been going to prenatal yoga class since I was kicked out of my normal pilates class when I told my instructor that I am pregnant.

We normally start the class by introducing yourself and how many weeks we are as well as how we feel. The class knows me as Miss Puke because I always talk about puking. Also, they hear me loud and clear when I gagged in class sometimes.

Today, during class, I realised my feet is a little puffy. I knew that it has began.

I have been developing a relationship with my unborn child lately.

In between the bedtime stories and nursery rhymes, I have been talking to him rather recently. Mostly, I would rub my belly and say hello. Other times, I would tell him what I am intending to do next (eg: Let’s walk to Art Centre to meet Daddy). Of course every often when I get some uncomfortable kicks, I would plea with him to play nice.

Lately, I have been taking the public transport to work alone. On the tram in the morning, the baby moves quite a bit. I wonder if it is a different experience and it feels quite unnerving because KL usually drives me to work. I’d rub my belly and hum a tune and he would usually stop. I like to think he feels comforted with my voice and the warmth of my hand on the belly.

Yesterday, I was nervous about getting a flu shot. Although it’s perfectly safe to have one while being pregnant as well as it is highly recommended that I do so, I can’t help to think that I might be harming him. So on my way to the flu vaccination centre, I stopped by the toilet. I took the second last stall and thinking I was alone, I rubbed my belly and said, “Baby, you sure its okay? You ready for this?” Next thing I know, there was a flush in the next stall. SHIT! I realised I’m not alone.

I came home and told KL about it. He thinks its hilarious because the person might think I was talking to my privates and preparing my privates for a pee. Hahaa…

We borrowed “40,000+ Baby Names” book from the library. But, we still couldn’t find the ideal name. It’s really difficult to find a name with a ‘clean-slate’. Hard to find one that we do not know of anyone by that name. No bombastic names, no weird spelling, no boring names. Yes, we are very fussy.

However, coincidentally, KL dreamt of a boy’s name on the 2nd week of my pregnancy. The name has been dwelling in our head for a while, so it grew on us. Finally, we decided on that name but as of to date, we are still debating on the spelling.

We have also decided not to tell anyone the name. Not so much about worrying someone might steal the name but mainly we do not want anyone’s comment on the name before the baby is born. Especially if it’s a negative comment.

Everyone’s always giving their 2 cents worth on pregnancy, baby, nutrition, parenting, etc. It is fine if it’s just their thoughts on it, but sometimes, I feel like they are trying to enforce it on you.

For example, a good friend was telling me all the pros of cloth nappies. Environmentally friendly, easy on the pockets, no baby rash, etc. I agree, more pros than cons. But, here is the catch - who is going to scoop the poop, wash the nappies, dry it and then fold it? Is this good friend going to do it for me? Do I have a maid? NOPE! So, the idea and concept is good, but it is not feasible. Strangely, this good friend is continuing her efforts to convince me and for some reason, makes me feel like a bad parent if I didn’t do what’s best for the baby.

Another example, an ex-colleague who is pregnant (just gave birth) confided in me recently about how she was indirectly accused of being a bad parent because she bought a cheap cot. Apparently, her colleagues told her that she shouldn’t buy such a cheap cot for her baby and should get the best (aka, expensive) one for the baby. I told her who cares as long as she like it and it meets the Safety Standards here. Sometimes, people open their mouth too early without going thru their head first. I then proceed to tell her about our plan of not telling anyone about the baby’s name. She think its brilliant. In fact, she told everyone she is going to name her daughter, Victoria. Guess what. People advised her not to name her daughter after Posh Spice. *sigh… She love the name and wasn’t naming her baby after some celebrity to say the least.

So far, I’ve learnt to filter advise from everywhere/everyone. We are still keeping the name a secret until August at least.

KL have been reading and singing nursery rhymes to the baby in my tummy lately.

Monday: He read, “The Diary of a Wombat”.

Tuesday: He read, “Koala Lou”.

Wednesday: He sang this KoalaLand inspired nursery rhyme:

Row row row your boat;
Gently down the stream.
If you see a crocodile;
Don’t forget to scream….
AAHHHH!!

Thursday: He read, “Pooh’s Heffalump”.

Friday (Today): He should be reading, “Oh, the places you’ll go.” I don’t know the story yet. It’s my first Dr Seuss book.

That’s all the children’s book we have. I think KL got to read the papers tomorrow.

My tummy exploded overnight. Thats me at 21 weeks (5 months).

My very neat desk, so must take picture.

I felt the baby move about the 18th week of the pregnancy although I thought I was just gassy and needed a good fart. Normally, most first time mothers would only feel the baby move after the 20th week. I am one of those sensitive people.

Lately, the movements/kick/punch has gotten slightly stronger. It usually takes me by surprise. Its quite a funny sensation. I was warned that as I progress, it would not be funny anymore. In fact, it will hurt so bad that I might even swear.

The other night, while watching TV, I yelped suddenly coz the baby kicked and I was shocked. KL poked his finger onto my tummy and said, “Stop kicking your mother, you punk!”

Hehee… I thought that was really cute.

After a week of procrastinating, here are the pictures of my 19th week scan.

The baby was not cooperative and was facing downwards. We never had a “normal” baby scan picture. This baby has begin early signs of being ‘guai lan’.

The baby’s foot on the left picture and the hand on the right side.

The sonograher had to rotate the scan so that we can have a better picture of the baby. Do you think that his thigh looks like he had a BIG boner?

Finally, the first look of his penis. Don’t ask me how the sonographer can tell. But if you see closely, the green cross is pointing at his baby penis. And the knob a the left end of that is suppose to be his scrotum.

In the first trimester, I had the worse morning sickness ever. I lost my appetite and KL was worried about my nutrition. He made me a fruit salad every morning for a few weeks.

I feel so loved.

This is the first outfit we bought for the baby. Hope he can fit into it on his first trip back in SunnyLand by the end of the year or early next year.

We have been excited about this day. It’s been a crazy hot day with 38 degrees. While KL took a day off, I went to work for half a day.

Appointment for the scan was at 3.30pm but by 1pm, my mum called us to ask already. Goodness, she remembered the day. The afternoon before the scan, we were busy with errands that we can run during the weekday.

Sitting at the Ultrasound place was quite unnerving. Although they are also checking for the growth of the baby, the only thing in my head was “Pink or Blue”. I’m such a bimbo.

When it was our turn, the first look at the baby, I knew it’s not going to be an easy task. The baby was all hurdled up facing the bottom and refused to move. The sonographer checked for everything, measured the brain, head, thigh bone, arm bone, feet, hands, etc. Everything he could measure, he did. He shook my tummy and tried making the baby change his position. But he didn’t budge. I felt flabby whenever he did that to my tummy.

The last resort was to have me go pee and hopefully the baby would have moved. But I already went to the toilet before coming to the clinic. Still, I managed to wee a wee bit. Jiggled my butt in the toilet. Threaten the baby if he didn’t cooperate, he would have to live with yellow and green for a while. Tried all I can before leaving the toilet. I went back to the room, baby had not moved an inch. The patient sonographer continued measuring I don’t know what. At some point of time, I couldn’t tell the baby from the screen. It look like tv static.

Sonographer was trying to explain parts of the baby to us and then he said, “This is the scrotum. The penis is here. It is going a boy.” With the word Scrotum, I drew a blank. I looked at KL and he said, “BALLS”. Ahhh… the language I’m familiar.

So, baby’s got balls.

I puked on Thursday after we had pizza. Last night, to save money, we had leftover pizza, but I only had one slice. I finished the whole bowl of salad though.

In the middle of the night, I kept feeling and hearing my stomach rumble. I was so hungry, I woke up. Went to pee and sat on the bed eat my crackers with ribena at 3.30am.

Woke up this morning feeling hungry again but guess what? KL made me pancakes with sausages and scramble eggs, I only managed a wee bit before I concussed back to bed again.

I’m feeling weird today. Might be sick coz I’m sneezing a bit. Feeling down coz everything seems so bleak. Still, I force myself to wake up from nap to go out for some baby shopping/research.

Still feel rather bleh. Seriously don’t know whats wrong with me. I can’t sit still for long and I can’t lie down for long. Legs get tired when I walk too much and stand too long. Cramping feeling the whole week and breathlessness every second.

I officially look pregnant then fat now.

Sad part is, I lost my waist. I look like a Tree trunk now. Kate at work said I better not be wearing green top with brown pants.

Stressed this week again. Even without my parents living with me, they can still annoy me. They threaten not to come in August because I “control” them too much. They don’t like it.

Being threaten not to come in August took a toll on me today. I hate being threaten. I decided that I should seek my own way out of this. Realising that there is no such thing as Confinement Nanny in KoalaLand added to the stress. Options of importing my own, means money.

One other option was KL’s mum. Eek! Seriously, I rather bite off my own arm then to have her come and run the household while I am down for a month. If she was nice to me in the beginning, I will welcome her. Most people know I am very accommodating and generally easy to get along.

Yelled and crying so much at work, I begin to think it’s the hormones again. Poor KL must be pretty stressed out by me today too. Sorry.

Called the hospital and they told me that I am still on the waiting list. Apparently, contrary to my previous telephone call a month ago, they said my chances are pretty slim. Not being able to give birth in my first choice of hospital dashed my dreams of ever giving birth in a catholic hospital. Dealing the the receptionist at the doctor’s office made my day worse. I guess I have to give birth in the streets then.

Last month, KL’s mum nicely asked if I wanted anything for Aunty Stella to bring back in March for me. I told her I don’t mind some tonic, mainly Bird’s nest if possible. In her fone call over the weekend revealed that she got me 2 bottles. Right. Enough to last me till the end of my pregnancy. She claimed it is concentrated and I need to water it down. Years ago when I was living with KL, she made KL’s sister drink a bottle of that “concentrated” bird’s nest EVERY NIGHT. Guess I am different. Not her daughter.

I called my dad to ask him to buy me more and got Uncle Kenny to pass it to KL’s mum to then give it to Aunty Stella. My parents already got me some when they came but I need to stock up. Been reading the nutritional properties they have for pregnancy and post pregnancy is amazing. Besides, I really like the taste of it.

Explained to KL that I am not deliberately dissing his mother, but just solving a problem. I hope he knows its not deliberate. Sometimes, I think he side his mother/family more. Sometimes, I think he don’t step out of the ring to see who is right or wrong. It is easier to think that it is just a plain mother-in-law vs daughter-in-law problem. Mainly, he has to see that it is not that simple. I’m always glad I have great friends in GL and BS/NL to see that KL’s family are actually how I describe them to be. Aunty Anna and Uncle Kenny can see that too. Even though Aunty Anna is KL’s mother’s sister.

Sometimes wish KL was supporting me instead of “trying” to be fair and trying to be impartial by stepping aside. It doesn’t work that way.

Parents have gone home. They gave me so much stress when they were here. Wonder how am I going to handle when they come in August. Started puking badly on Monday when I had a big fight with the folks. *sigh… Sometimes I wish Dad would put his ego aside and see the bigger picture.

Had a few advice from friends and even my boss and I decided to let go. Boss said that once I begin treating them like adults, they will start treating me like one too. I hope so. But at the end of the day, they always think they are right and I don’t know better. Seriously, I’m carrying a child now. I’m freaking in my 30s, married and living abroad.

Most people knows of my pregnancy now. Had meals with a big group of friends and they started giving the baby names. People speculating the sex. Brands said that he can tell the sex and begin asking if we did it doggy-style. We stopped him there. Jo said he wants to get Gucci booties. Yeah right!

Strangers, friends and even colleagues started molesting me. Okay, my tummy. I still look fat than pregnant. Co calls me Fatty.

KL calls me Giraffe. Because of the way I bend to pick up things. Bending forward has increasingly becoming a difficult chore.

I am puking lesser each day. Well, at least not puking everyday like I was in the 1st trimester. Get really discouraging when I count those puke-less days and then puke, I have to start counting all over again. I hope I get better. Most people this time had already stop all nausea.

KL is back. But sick as a puppy. Must be the cold freezing weather in Japan and possibly the exhaustion from snowboarding.

Parents are here and we went Sinny. Parents are older and KL is sick. I’m the only one (although pregnant) seemed to be walking faster and tireless thru-out. Poor KL, no appetite and really restless.

Although it was suppose to be a holiday trip, fought with the folks a lot. Losing patience with them. Can’t quite understand how come they became like they are now. Is it my fault for leaving them and therefore deteriorating? KL kept telling me that they are just old and here for holiday so let them be.

I seriously hope that I will age gracefully and will not be so dependent on my kids.

Still eating quite little and still gagging. But good news is, puking is slowing reducing.

Picture of the queue at the flower shop on Valentine’s day 2008.

Last year, I had a bunch of roses from KL. But I posed with a bunch of broccoli for a picture.

This year, I got nothing from KL but I bought him chocolates. I spent my valentine’s day dinner with my parents as they were in town.

Spent the last few days with friends company but still, the weekend was still lonely.

Chinese New Year was lonely.

Waiting for KL to come home.

Still puking as normal and no appetite.

I woke up with feeling crap although I had no headache. Decided to call in sick and stay home. It is Cousin C1’s last day here so I bought her out for pancakes and more shopping while her friends went somewhere else.

It is nice hanging out with her. Cousin S1 wouldn’t approve. In fact, everyone thinks that Cousin C1 screwed me over once and should not be pardoned. Aiyoh. I am not like that. I barely remember grudges. I’m definitely not vengeful, however, I was of coz skeptical about her visit.

After she left about 12, I started to panic. My fridge was empty and I had to decide on lunch before I start gagging. Off to the supermarket I went. Bought a few things to last me for the week at least and then came home made lunch. Soon after, I started missing KL and feeling sorry for myself. To avoid any unnecessary tears, I went to take a nap.

KL called me and woke me up. I begin crying and couldn’t control myself. I felt so lonely as if the walls were closing in. The room felt dark and gloomy. I told KL to come home early once he had enough fun. I felt bad saying that because, it like directly telling him that I want him home now or sooner.

KL asked me to call the airline to change his flights for him. I felt bad but got really excited at the same time. At the end of that evening, I managed to change KL’s flight to Sunday - about 2 days ahead of his planned schedule. I seriously hope he don’t resent me for that.

I felt so much better after knowing that KL is coming home sooner than expected. Although my tears stopped, my eyes was red and sore from before.

I’m still struggling to come to terms that I am directly the cause of KL shortening his fun in Japan. I secretly wish that he had wanted to do so himself on his own accord than to have me suggest that to him. I told Co about it the next day, she said that it doesn’t matter who initiated it as at the end of the day, the baby in my stomach would not have to tahan my depression for the remaining days. If I am happy, baby would be happy. Being sad and depressed will somehow have some negative effect to the growing bub inside me. I guess she is right but I really don’t want to be one of those wife who restrict her husband. And, I seriously hope KL is alright with the change and not resent me.

I slept well that night.